


underneath the pale moon

by heartbee4



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Compersion, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-05-30 15:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19405894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbee4/pseuds/heartbee4
Summary: Sara has been trying to convince herself that she’s straight for years. But when Leonie starts dating Sam, all the feelings she has bottled up come rushing to the surface, threatening to overflow. She can no longer pretend that she doesn’t have feelings for her best friend. And maybe she’s beginning to like her best friend’s new girlfriend, too.





	1. Chapter 1

Sara looked out the window at the passersby. It was a sunny day, and many people were eating ice cream they’d bought from the nearby ice cream parlor. Last year Sara might have been among them, but this year she was stuck inside Lidl, waiting for people to buy their groceries, and maybe yell at her. Today was relatively quiet, so it left her plenty of time to daydream.

A part of her was mad at her dad for losing his job, because she now had to work during her summer holiday. Seeing all the happy people outside only fueled her anger, but then she felt spoiled. A lot of people in the world had to work during the summer, and a lot of kids had to start doing so a lot earlier than she had. Considering her circumstances, she was lucky she still had somewhere to live. But she couldn’t help but feel jealous.

She sighed, torn between wanting someone to enter the shop so she had something to do, and wanting to just stand there doing nothing for the rest of her shift so she wouldn’t have to deal with other people. She wasn’t really in the mood to be around people at the moment, not even her parents. The only people she wanted to see were Leonie, and maybe Matteo. She’d been trying not to think about him lately, but if she was honest with herself, she missed him a little bit.

Sara had actually been kind of relieved when Matteo broke up with her. At first she’d been angry (rightfully so), hurt, scared… Her life was falling apart around her, and everything she thought she knew about her parents, her friends, even herself, was no longer as simple and easy as it used to be. With her dad losing his job, Sara and her family having to move, she just wanted something stable. After her and Matteo had broken up, she’d gone out with quite a few other guys. They’d all seemed interested in her, they were nice, and at first everything had been fine. A couple of dates, some mediocre kissing… But then they’d wanted to go further than Matteo had ever let her. And that was good; that’s exactly what she wanted.

Or at least it had been what she had thought she’d wanted. She was 18 and she’d never had sex, so of course she should want it, right? Except for the fact that she couldn’t go through with it. Each and every time she’d have to stop. It had made her think: _maybe this is how Matteo had felt_. But she’d refused to think about what that might mean for her.

For awhile her life went on like that. Her parents had finally moved in to a cheaper apartment, fortunately not too far from her school, and they were doing okay. Sara had to take a part time job, but luckily the school year was over soon enough. She had no idea what she wanted to do after the holidays ended. She might just take a leap year and work. All in all, her life wasn’t great, but it wasn’t awful either.

But now something else had happened. Something Sara hadn’t anticipated: Leonie had started dating someone. This was nothing new; Leonie had had several crushes and boyfriends throughout their friendship, and it hadn’t really bothered Sara before. It had just made her more adamant in getting a boyfriend herself. But this time, the person Leonie had started seeing was a girl. And that brought out feelings in Sara she’d been trying to suppress for years.

Sara had known Leonie since they were kids. Even though they went to the same school, they hadn’t always been friends. They became close after the whole Hanna-Jonas fiasco. Despite that, Sara had always admired Leonie. Leonie was strong, confident, sweet, welcoming, funny and beautiful. She spoke her mind and stood up for what she thought was right. Even when they hadn’t been friends, she was always nice to Sara and smiled at her.

Leonie had always made her feel things no one else had. Her smile made butterflies erupt in her stomach, and when they held hands, Sara never wanted to let go. But she had ignored those feelings, because Leonie was straight, and Sara didn’t stand a chance. Sometimes guys were nice, and even cute, and if Sara could just be friends with Leonie, she was happy. But now everything had changed. Leonie clearly wasn’t straight. She was dating a girl, but it wasn’t Sara. And that broke her heart more than any guy ever could.

After Leonie had told her about her dating Sam – she had told her a few weeks after the abiball, shyly but confident and proud – Sara spent the whole day crying in her bed while watching TV. For the first time she let herself acknowledge her feelings for what they were: she was in love with Leonie, and probably had been for years. Somehow it hurt even more now to think that Leonie didn’t like Sara. The lack of feelings wasn’t due to Leonie being straight and Sara being a girl, it was just because she didn’t have those kind of feelings for Sara. Of course, Sara was Leonie’s best friend, and Sara knew Leonie cared about her more than anyone else. While Leonie might not return her feelings, their friendship was still special. And she didn’t want anyone or anything to get between them – especially not her own feelings.

While Sara sorted out her feelings, she kind of avoided Leonie. She still texted her back, and just told her she couldn’t meet up because she was busy with work. Leonie didn’t seem to notice, and she was probably busy with Sam, anyway. Sara finally met up with Leonie again almost a week later, on Wednesday, one of Sara’s few days off.

They bought ice cream at an ice cream parlor, because Sara had been craving one all week. They found an empty bench by a pretty fountain nearby where they sat down to eat their ice creams in the sun. As per usual, they talked about everything and nothing.

“I think I want to be an event planner. Or a project manager. Something like that,” Leonie told her, and started talking about what she could do to become “something like that”. Sara thought it would fit her well, and loved how animated she looked when she talked about it. It wasn’t until several minutes later, that Leonie asked her the question she’d been dreading: “What do you want to do next year?”

Sara looked away. People had been asking her that question for years, and she still had no clue what she wanted. It was as if she got more uncertain with each and every question. That had been one of the things she liked about Matteo. He never asked her that, or talked about the future. Was it weird that she kind of missed her ex?

“Hey,” came Leonie’s gentle voice. Sara looked at her, and reminded herself of the promise she had made herself about being more open with other people.

Sara was glad she’d told Leonie about her home situation. She’d been worried Leonie would pity her or treat her differently. But of course that hadn’t happened. Nothing had changed between them, maybe aside from how they had gotten closer and more open with each other. Sara didn’t know why she had doubted her; Leonie had always been her rock. 

“What’s wrong?”

Sara sighed. “I don’t know what I want to do next year. Or ever.”

Leonie squeezed her thigh. “That’s okay. You have your whole life to find out, right? Right now, just focus on the present, and enjoy the summer.” Leonie took her hand away again, and changed the subject: “What ice cream flavor did you get?”

Sara smiled at her gratefully, and then looked down at her ice cream-sticky hands, now otherwise void of both ice cream and ice cream cone. “Chocolate and cookie dough.”

“Mhm, good choice.”

“What about you?” Sara asked, even though she already knew the answer.

“I got strawberry sorbet, because it was the only vegan option.” Leonie lifted the half-full ice cream cup towards Sara. “Do you want to taste? It’s good.”

Sara looked into the cup. “It’s melted.”

“Yeah, so? That’s how it should be.”

“Nooo, that’s gross.”

“No, it’s not, it’s really good,” Leonie claimed, putting the ice cream all the way into Sara’s face. Sara tried to dodge it and almost fell down the bench. Leonie grabbed after with her with her free hand, and Sara leaned against her for support. They both erupted into giggles, shaking with laughter against each other.

When they’d calmed down, Sara sat back, and found some napkins in her bag to clean their hands. Leonie ran to a trash bin to throw out her now empty ice cream cup, and accepted a napkin with a smile. “Thanks.”

After cleaning her hands, she turned to face Sara, clearly with something on her mind. “So…” she started. “Do you mind if Sam joins us for movie night this Saturday? I know we don’t usually bring our boyfriends, but Sam is a girl, so… And I want you two to get to know each other better.”

Sara’s heart pummeled into her stomach, but she tried not to show it on her face. She wondered if this had been why Leonie had wanted to meet up with her in the first place, just to ask her this. But then she felt stupid, because not only could Leonie just have texted her, they were also best friends and usually met up several times a week outside of school. “Sure, that’s fine. She seems nice.”

Leonie smiled brightly. “Great! Thanks, I’ll let her know.” She took her phone out of her pocket, presumably to text Sam the news. Sara’s smile dropped as soon as Leonie looked away from her. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to focus on the movie this Saturday.

-

It turned out she was right. Sara found it very difficult to focus on the movie they’d chosen – some cheesy rom-com from the 2000s – but it wasn’t because Leonie and Sam were busy cuddling beside her on the couch. The two of them were actually keeping a bit of a distance, as if they were all three just hanging out, maybe so she wouldn’t feel like a third wheel. All three of them were sitting on the couch, with a bit of space between them, and with popcorn and chips on the table in front of them. Sam was sitting in the middle, which was the only thing that differed from their usual movie nights at Leonie’s place.

No, Sara found it difficult to focus on the movie because she laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes. Although Sara had of course met Sam before – they went to the same school and often went to the same parties – they had never spoken much. It was no surprise that Sam was fun to hang out with, but what surprised her was how easy and comfortable it all felt. With Sara and Leonie having known each other for a lot longer, and Leonie and Sam being a couple, Sara figured it should have been awkward for all of them to hang out, but somehow it wasn’t. She was enjoying herself a lot more than anticipated.

Whereas Leonie and Sara usually spent movie nights quietly watching a movie, sometimes cuddled up together under a blanket, rarely commenting on the movie, it was as if Sam being there completely changed the vibe. Sam had been the first one to comment on one of the character’s funny clothing, but not a lot of time passed before Sara and Leonie joined in, and halfway through the movie, all of them were throwing in jokes left and right, a lot of them dirty. When the movie ended, Sara had no clue what it had actually been about, but she didn’t really mind – she was pretty sure their jokes were funnier than the movie, anyway.

Although Sara had been dreading the evening the last few days, she found herself wishing Sam would show up to all of their movie nights. But then she saw Sam lean in and give Leonie a chaste kiss on the lips, and suddenly she wasn’t enjoying herself as much. She excused herself and went to refill her only half empty cup.

The kitchen was peaceful, and it was finally darkening outside. It wasn’t too late, around 10, but Sara figured she shouldn’t go to bed too late, in case it altered her circadian rhythm. She still had to go to work all of next week.

She sighed heavily, sat down on the cold tiles and leaned back against the counter. She downed the rest of her glass as if it was alcohol and she wanted to get drunk. Which she kind of did. She watched a droplet of coke run back down the side of the cup, and traced another one with her finger as if in a trance.

“Are you drunk?” asked Leonie, who had just entered the kitchen, shortly followed by Sam. The question promptly shook Sara out her stupor. “You always sit on the floor when you’re drunk.”

Sam laughed surprised. “She does?”

“Yeah, always. Sometimes she lies down and falls asleep. I have some pictures. I’ll show you later.”

Sara smiled. “I’m not drunk.”

“No? Then what are you sitting there for?”

Sara put down her cup in front of her. “Nothing much. Just thinking.”

Leonie came and sat down beside her, and soon enough Sam joined them on Sara’s other side. “What you thinkin’ about?” Leonie asked her softly, as if the whole world consisted of just the three of them and the space they shared.

“Life.”

“Oh wow, life. You’re getting very serious on this Saturday afternoon.” All three of them laughed. Leonie reached down between their bodies and took Sara’s hand. “I thought we agreed to just focus on the now? I know you have to work, but it’s still the summer holidays. It’s okay to relax sometimes, you know.”

 _That’s easy for you to_ say, Sara thought. _You already know what you want._ She smiled at her regardless. “I know.”

“What are you worried about?” asked Sam.

Sara looked at her, and noticed how genuine and open her face looked. Sara couldn’t quite wrap her head around the fact that a stranger cared so much about what she might feel. “What I’m going to do after the summer.”

“Ah. I get that. I don’t really know what I’m going to do, either.”

“You don’t?” Sara asked surprised. Somehow she’d pictured Sam as someone who knew what she wanted. Maybe it was because of the confidence she emitted. Or because it just seemed like everyone had their life more together than she did.

“No. I think I want to take a year of to work, but as what, I have no idea. Maybe I’ll travel somewhere. I’ve always wanted to go to Canada. Amira is planning on going to Japan, which also seems exciting. ”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“It does. If I can afford it,” Sam commented drily. “Which seems unlikely, because I keep spending all my money on things I don’t need.” To prove her point, she held up her new iPhone, looking big in her hand, especially because of the vast, colorful, sparkling cover. Sara and Leonie laughed.

They fell into a comfortable silence. Sam placed her head on Sara’s shoulder, and nuzzled her a bit as if to find the right position. Satisfied, she finally stilled and closed her eyes. Sara looked towards Leonie, and noticed that she had tilted her head back against the counter and closed her eyes as well. Sara relaxed and did the same thing, enjoying the company, and the mix of their warm body heat against her sides and the cold tiles under her. She felt drowsy, and she could feel herself drifting off.

“The moon looks beautiful tonight,” Sam suddenly mumbled, warm breath fanning over Sara’s collarbones. Sara opened her eyes to see what Sam was talking about. She hadn’t noticed before that they sat facing the wide windows, where the darkening night sky was visible. The moon did look beautiful. The sky was still a mix between grey and pale baby blue, revealing only a faint outline of the half-full moon. The clouds underneath were tainted with orange and pink strokes.

“Yeah,” Sara and Leonie said as one.

-

As was movie night tradition, Sara was sleeping over at Leonie’s, and this time, so was Sam. Leonie’s bed was – just barely – big enough to hold all three of them, so they didn’t bother finding any spare mattress for one of them to sleep on. They – Leonie and Sam – decided that Sara should sleep in the middle, to make it less awkward. Sara didn’t want to think about why it might be awkward.

It was nearing midnight when they finally laid down and turned off the lights. It wasn’t late by any means – Sara and Leonie often stayed up way later than that, either to talk or watch more movies. The early hour was mainly due to Sara’s insistence that they didn’t go to bed too late. But now that they were supposed to go to sleep, Sara didn’t want to. Closing her eyes and finding rest seemed impossible right then, especially with so many thoughts milling through her head.

Before she could change her mind, she asked out of the blue: “Sam, how did you know you liked girls?” The moment the words left her lips, she regretted them. Maybe it was because she was being paranoid, but to her it very much sounded like she herself was trying to figure out her sexuality – which wasn’t that far from the truth. Her heart started beating faster, and she could feel her hands getting clammy.

But Sam didn’t call her out on it. She turned onto her side to face her and calmly started answering the question. Sara felt a bit jealous of how comfortable she looked talking about her feelings. Sara watched her as she spoke, her white teeth shining in the dim moonlight, and her neon blue hair a stark contrast to her dark skin and the white sheets. Sara could barely look away, and Sam didn’t break eye contact. Sara could sense Leonie awake and listening beside her, but none of them said anything as Sam talked.

Apparently, Sam had never been one for serious relationships. She’d always just had sex with guys, thinking she just wasn’t interested in dating. But it turned out it had more to do with her lack of romantic interest in men, than her lack of interest in a relationship. She told Sara she’d figured that out when she for the first time developed a crush, after making out with Leonie at a party a few months back. Since then she’d been trying to ignore her feelings, until she, after the abiball – where she’d hooked up with Abdi – had stayed to clean up with Leonie, and they’d found out they both felt the same way about each other. She said she felt a bit bad about ghosting Abdi afterwards, but ultimately it was probably for the best that she didn’t lead him on further.

As she listened to Sam, Sara realized she’d never asked Leonie the same question, or asked her how she got together with Sam. Sara hadn’t even known the two of them had made out at a party – several months ago, at that. She wondered why Leonie hadn’t told her. Was she worried about Sara finding out she liked girls? And for how long had she known she liked girls? Sara had so many questions she wanted to ask, but she didn’t dare to ask them. She wasn’t sure she was ready for Leonie to tell her about how she felt for Sam, so instead she stayed quiet.

Sara was suddenly struck with the fact that she opened up a discussion on liking girls, and how that might lead to them asking her about her feelings, or crushes, or whether or not she liked girls. Part of her wanted them to ask, but the other part of her was scared they might. She wasn’t quite ready to tell anyone – she had only just admitted her feelings to herself – but a part of wanted, _needed_ , to talk to someone about the way she felt.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, it didn’t take long before they all started yawning. The conversation didn’t get much further, and eventually they all drifted off to sleep.

-

The three girls were groggy the next morning, and ate breakfast quietly. Sara couldn’t stay long, as she had promised her mom to help her with something, but Sam stayed back to help Leonie with the dishes and such. All the way home Sara kept thinking about what the two of the might be doing, and it had very little to do with them doing the dishes.

Later that day, she had just stepped out of the shower and was on her way to bed, when her phone pinged. Picking up her phone, she wasn’t expecting to see the name “Sam” on the screen. They had exchanged phone numbers that morning, but Sara hadn’t thought they would actually be texting. Maybe it was Leonie texting her from Sam’s phone, because she ran out of battery?

Sara sat down on the bed to open and read the message. It was from Sam, telling her she had a good time, and asking if she wanted to hang out sometime next week. Without Leonie. Just the two of them. Not that Sam had phrased it quite like that, but Sara was very much getting that vibe from the message.

Sara didn’t really know how to reply. She’d never hung out with any of Leonie’s boyfriends alone before, not had she’d wanted to, even though she supposed they had been nice enough. But maybe she’d always been a bit jealous of them, even though she didn’t realize it. However, despite the fact that she was jealous of Sam, she genuinely wanted to get to know her. Leonie seemed to really like her, and she seemed happier than she had in awhile. Sara didn’t want to jeopardize either Leonie’s happiness or their friendship.

Sara texted Sam yes, but also decided that she really did need to talk to someone about her feelings. She couldn’t talk to Leonie, or any of their other friends, because she wasn’t ready to tell them she liked girls, and she definitely couldn’t tell them she liked _Leonie_. Besides, she’d never been very close to the others, and hadn’t really spoken to any of them since graduation. Nor could she tell her parents of course – she _definitely_ wasn’t ready for that. One other person came to mind, and although she felt weird for even considering it, they somehow felt like the right person to share her thoughts with.

-

Matteo looked confused when he opened the door.

“Sara? What are you doing here? Are you okay?” He was looking her up and down, as if he was unsure she was really there or if he was just imagining it. Or maybe he was checking to see she wasn’t bleeding from somewhere.

“I’m fine. Can I come in?”

“Uhm, sure.” He stepped aside to let her in. After she’d taken off her shoes, they went in to the living room and sat on one of the couches. They left plenty of space between them. They hadn’t been alone together since he came to visit her just before she moved. While Matteo waited for her to say something, she looked around the room, as if she’d never been there before. Although, to be fair, most of the time she’d spent in there, it had been dark and packed full of people.

“Where is everyone?” she finally broke the silence.

Matteo shrugged. “Out. David is picking up some stuff at Laura’s.” _He thinks of David and Laura’s apartment as just Laura’s_ , she thought. _David must spend a lot of time here._ Maybe it should have made her feel jealous, but it didn’t. She was happy for him. 

Sara just nodded, and silence fell over them again. When she couldn’t stand it anymore, she finally said: “I have something to tell you.”

She looked at him for the first time since they’d sat down. He looked as serious as she felt. “You’re not actually pregnant, are you?” he tried to diffuse the tension.

Sara smiled, thinking back on her (bad) joke. “No, nothing like that.” She bit her lip. “I, uhm… This is going to seem weird, that I’m telling this to my ex… But I couldn’t think of anyone else to tell it to…” Sara vaguely registered the sound of a door opening somewhere. “I like someone. Or, more than like someone…” She took a deep breath. “I have feelings for Leonie.”

Matteo blinked and looked a bit shocked. Before he could say anything, she continued: “And now she’s dating someone. Sam. Girl Sam, I mean. And I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah.”

Matteo looked thoughtful. “Does she know?”

“No.”

Suddenly a loud creak sounded behind them, and they both turned to see David enter the room. He waved in greeting.

“Hi, Sara.”

“David!” she exclaimed surprised. She hadn’t expected to see him, but she probably should have. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” he answered, as he sat down on the side of the couch by Matteo, who immediately curled up against him. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

David nodded, clearly not believing her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop before… But I heard what you told Matteo. About how you have feelings for Leonie.”

Sara blushed. “Oh.”

“I just wanted to say that I think you should go for it. I’m pretty sure she likes you back. Every time we hang out, she talks about you nonstop.”

Matteo laughed against his thigh. “Really?”

David looked down at him fondly, seemingly forgetting all about Sara. “Yeah.”

Sara cleared her throat, drawing their attention back to her. “Well, Even if that’s true” – and Sara really doubted it was – “I don’t want to break up her and Sam. She seems really happy. _They_ seem really happy.” As much as it pained her to admit it.

“Oh.” David fluffed up his hair with the hand that wasn’t around Matteo. “Well, then I don’t really know what to do…” David looked thoughtful for a few seconds. “Although… if what you feel for Leonie is serious, maybe you should tell her anyway. So that your jealousy doesn’t come between the two of you.”

Sara hadn’t thought of it like that before. Would her jealousy come between them? Leonie had dated before, and it hadn’t been a problem, but back then Sara was still very much in denial, and she usually busied herself with other guys when Leonie insisted they hang out with her current boyfriends. She could of course just get a boyfriend – but no, she was done with that. There was no reason to try being with someone when she knew going in she would never like them. The thought of getting a girlfriend fleetingly crossed her mind, but she couldn’t see herself dating a girl who wasn’t Leonie right now. It somehow wouldn’t feel right.

Sara stayed with David and Matteo for a bit longer, chatting to them about their recent road trip, her job – it was mainly her complaining about the customers – some of their former classmates, and old memories from school. It felt nice to talk to Matteo again – she had, after all, considered him a friend once. It was also nice to get to know David better. It was a good way to unwind after a long day at work, and it made her feel more at ease.

-

Sam and Sara agreed to meet up that Thursday afternoon when Sara got off work. Sam’s brother worked as a DJ, but he also worked at a bowling place that Sam invited her to, because he could get a discount. It being a Thursday, there weren’t all that many people, so Sam and Sara got a bowling alley away from everyone else. Sara hadn’t been bowling for years, so she was actually really looking forward to it.

They played against each other for about two hours, Sam winning almost every round. Sara wasn’t competitive, so she didn’t mind, especially not after seeing Sam’s winning smile. Sara wasn’t bad, but she was out of practice. It was fun to try it again.

“Have you had dinner?” Sam asked afterwards. Sara shook her head. “Do you want to eat here? They have surprisingly good burgers. My treat.” Sara blinked at the offer. Somehow this felt more and more like a date, but Sara was sure it was just in her head. There was no way Sam intended for it to feel that way; she was happy with Leonie.

“Oh, you really don’t have to-”

“Sure, I do. I invited you. I’m sure you’ll pay me back again at some point.”

“Uhm, okay… sure.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes?” Sara replied uncertainly.

Sam lit up and did a little jump, clapping her hands. “Great!” She started walking towards the secluded area with tables. “Do you mind if we sit over there?” She pointed towards a table for two by the wall. “You can watch the fish in the fish tank while you eat.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Sara didn’t care that much where they sat; there weren’t a lot of other people, anyway. Sam sent her a smile and sat down facing the fish. Sara pulled out the chair across from her, the chair screeching uncomfortably against the stone floor.

They ordered, each a burger, Sam a coke and Sara a water with ice and lemon. When the waiter left, Sam asked Sara if she had any siblings, and if she was planning on moving out now that she was 18 and finished with school. Sara told her that no, she didn’t have any siblings. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to move out or not, because it was expensive to live on your own in Berlin, but a part of her wanted to escape her current home situation and just take care of herself. It was exhausting at home sometimes, with her parents fighting about the economy, but she didn’t mention that to Sam.

“How about you?”

“Well, you just met my brother. I also have a little sister who’s 12. I don’t think I want to move out right away. I would miss my parents and my siblings too much. Besides, as you said, it’s more convenient to live with your parents.”

Sara nodded. She slightly envied Sam’s relationship with her siblings. She’d always wanted a sibling.

It wasn’t long till their food arrived. Sara was starving, so she quickly dug in. They chatted a bit about the movie they had watched at Leonie’s – it turned out Sam had been paying more attention to it than Sara had – and ended up talking about some upcoming movies they wanted to watch, maybe in the cinema, which lead to them complaining about how expensive it was to go to see a movie in the cinema nowadays.

Sara took another bite of her burger when the conversation stilled. “You were right, this is really good,” Sara commented with her mouth full of food.

Sam laughed. “Right? I always get this when I’m here.”

“Do you come here often?”

Sam pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Not really. I came here with the girls once, but otherwise I mainly just come here to hang out with my brother sometimes. Usually I bowl with him and his friends,” she said before taking a big bite.

“Have you been here with Leonie?” Sara asked, and almost face palmed right after. She sounded like a jealous girlfriend – and she wasn’t even sure who she sounded jealous of.

Sam looked at her as she finished chewing before answering. “No, not yet,” she shrugged after a few beats of silence.

Sara just smiled awkwardly and washed the last of her burger down with some water. The ice had more or less melted at this point, so she took one of the small pieces into her mouth and started chewing loudly on it. She liked the way it almost exploded in her mouth when she bit down.

”Sara, can I ask you something a bit personal?” Sam asked suddenly.

Sara looked up to see Sam’s expression, which looked more curious than anything. She hesitated, uncertain as to what Sam’s definition of “a bit personal” was. “Uhm, sure.”

Sam leaned closer to her over the table, as if they were sharing a secret. “Do you have feelings for Leonie?”

Sara nearly choked on nothing and stopped breathing for a few seconds. “What?” Her voice sounded breathy and tense even to her own ears.

Sam, maybe noticing Sara’s distress, hurried on: ”Hey, calm down! It’s okay, I don’t mind. Look, if you and Leonie like each other, I won’t stand in your way.”

Sara slowly calmed down at Sam’s casual tone. “I don’t think she likes me, so you have nothing to worry about.”

Sam furrowed her eyebrows. “Oh, I’m pretty sure she likes you. Have you seen the way she looks at you? She looks almost as enamored as you do. Honestly, I think the two of you would be cute together.” Sam winked at her.

Sara felt more confused than ever. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well, if Leonie and I were to get together, then…”

“Oh, that. Well, I don’t see how Leonie can’t just date both of us.”

Sara didn’t really know what to say to that. She also wasn’t sure she would like that. Would she? Would she have a problem with that? How would that even work? What would she tell people?

“Besides, if she doesn’t want to date both of us, we can just date each other.” Sam winked at her again. This time Sara blushed, and Sam laughed as if that had been her intention all along. The sound made Sara’s stomach do weird flips, and made her feel things she definitely wasn’t ready to acknowledge.

They quickly delved into safer waters as Sam asked her what kind of music she listened too. Sara found herself laughing and enjoying herself. She felt comfortable in Sam’s presence. Sam had a very wild vibe, and she was funny, but being around her was also calming. She looked at the world very differently than Sara, and Sara found herself interested in finding out more about her and how she perceived life. She was almost sad when the bowling place closed and she had to go home. Even though it was way later than she’d promised herself she would be home, she hadn’t noticed she was tired before saying goodbye to Sam. She collapsed contently in her bed that night, dreaming of brown eyes and blue hair.

-

The following Saturday Sara found herself in the foyer of Sam’s house. Sam had invited both Leonie and Sara over, because apparently she felt like baking, and it was boring to do so alone. Sam had said that they could just stay and watch a movie later – while eating a freshly baked cake – to substitute their regular movie night. Neither of them really minded, so they agreed. 

Sam’s house was bigger than both Leonie’s and Sara’s own home. But there were also more people living there, so that made sense. Sara could see why Sam wouldn’t want to move out. It was a modern house, probably build within the last 20 years at most, but it had a homely feel. While it was clean and neat, it wasn’t so classy that you were afraid to touch anything, but allowed a slight, lived in mess. There were family photos hanging on the wall, with lots of warm, happy smiles. Sara felt her heart twist painfully at the thought of her own family. Her home life hadn’t felt so put together in years.

Sam and Leonie had both been there to greet her when she arrived, and had left for the kitchen while she was untying her shoes, expecting her to follow. She’d taken longer than they probably anticipated, but no one had come to look for her as she had a look around. She finally took a deep breath and went into the kitchen, where they were already putting out ingredients onto the kitchen counter, talking low and intimate as they worked.

Sam turned around when she entered the room, as if sensing her presence. “So I was thinking chocolate banana cake – vegan, of course,” she said, and smiled at Leonie. “What do you think?” she asked Sara.

“It sounds great. It’s my favorite.”

“Great! Leonie and I have already prepared the ingredients, so we can just get started. Do you want me to put on some music?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” both Leonie and Sara agreed. Sam immediately left to find the speakers for her phone. Sara, now alone with Leonie, finally let herself feel awkward. She hadn’t seen Leonie or Sam since the day her and Sam went bowling and Sara more or less admitted to liking Leonie. Of course, Leonie didn’t know about any of that, so she just smiled at her like she usually did, with that smiled that was reserved just for Sara.

“Hey. Has work been okay this week?”

Sara shrugged. “It was fine. How about you, have you done anything interesting?”

“So much,” Leonie nodded seriously. “I binged watched the entirety of Grey’s Anatomy.”

Sara whistled. “Impressive.”

“Thank you,” Leonie bowed deeply and laughed. Sara couldn’t help but laugh too.

“Where is Sam’s family, do you know?”

“Hmm, I think both of her siblings are out. Her parents are probably upstairs, staying out of our way.”

Sara secretly appreciated that. She’d never been fond of meeting people’s parents.

As soon as Sam had put music on, they started baking. Sara didn’t bake very often – she used to bake with her mom as a kid, but hadn’t done it much since. But she still liked to bake, however rarely it happened. It was a fun activity that – usually – ended with a delicious, edible result. A great combination, in Sara’s opinion. And the other girls only made it even more fun.

The three of them had a lot of fun with baking the cake. They were dancing around and singing (poorly) along and pulling funny faces and making bad jokes. Sam ate some of the dough before they put the cake into the oven – seeing as there were no eggs in it, it was okay to eat, Sam pointed out. Both Sara and Leonie had some dough, too, and almost ended up just eating it all like that, before Sam took it upon herself to actually put the cake into the oven.

While they waited for the cake to finish, Sara made frosting. Sam and Leonie hadn’t thought it was necessary, but Sara had countered that it was the best part of a cake. In the end they caved in, as long as Sara made it herself.

Luckily the frosting was easy to make, because Sara found it difficult to focus on the task at hand with Leonie and Sam dancing and laughing behind her. She kind of felt like she was intruding, like she wasn’t supposed to be there. She wanted to join them, but she couldn’t, because the moment was theirs and theirs alone. When she turned around at one point and saw Leonie pull Sam into a kiss, Sara almost dropped the frosting. She realized that she needed to tell Leonie how she felt about her. Otherwise she might end up distancing herself from her, or saying something she would regret, and that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to remain Leonie’s friend, if nothing else.

Sara averted her eyes and sat the bowl with frosting securely on the counter. “There, it’s done,” she proclaimed.

Sam came over to look into the bowl. “Oooh, that looks good! This is going to be such a great cake, guys, I can feel it.”

When the cake was finished, they put on a movie in the living room. They pulled down the blinds and found some blankets and pillows to cuddle up with on the couches. There was lots of leg room, which Sara appreciated, as she stretched out her long legs and leaned back. They finally got to eat the cake, and agreed that it was even better than anticipated. They all ate way too much; Sara could barely get up from the couch afterwards.

Although Sam lived in a big house, there were also a lot of people living in it, so there wasn’t space for Leonie and Sara to sleep over. Sara suspected there were other reasons as well, such as Sam’s little sister’s bed time, the noise the three girls would make, and the stress it might cause in the morning, but she didn’t say anything. After a couple of movies, some dinner, and even more cake, both Sara and Leonie had to go home. It was still light outside, but Sam and Leonie went with Sara to the bus stop to say goodbye. Sara gave them both a hug before boarding the bus.

Sara’s mood on the way home was very mixed. On one hand she was happy, because she’d had so much fun. On the other hand she also felt down, because of jealousy. Furthermore, she was dreading the conversation she knew she had to have with Leonie. She had decided. She would text Leonie to meet up tomorrow and tell her how she felt. Sara sighed, leaned back against the bus seat and stared out the window at the buildings they passed by.


	2. Chapter 2

Next morning, Sara woke up early – or early for a Sunday where she didn’t have to go to work – went for a run, ate breakfast, and texted Leonie to meet up. Telling Leonie how she felt wasn’t something Sara was looking forward to do. But she figured it was better to get it over with as soon as possible, like ripping of a band aid. Only the pain caused by a band aid usually only lasted a moment, whereas the pain it would cause Sara if Leonie suddenly stopped talking to her would be much worse, and last a lot longer.

Of course, Sara doubted very much that would happen. She couldn’t see Leonie not wanting to be her friend anymore just because she had feelings for her. But maybe her telling Leonie would lead to a lot of awkwardness between them, and eventually result in the demise of their friendship. Most likely, Sara was just over thinking it. People developed feelings for their friends every day, and it didn’t end their friendships. They were just going to have an adult conversation about their (Sara’s) feelings and what to do about them, for the sake of maintaining their relationship. That was all.

After Sara texted Leonie, she didn’t receive a text back till several hours later, most likely because Leonie had been asleep. She was understandably confused that Sara wanted to meet up and talk considering they saw each other barely 12 hours ago, but accepted nonetheless. They agreed to meet up for lunch at a café they both liked but rarely went to, because it would be too pricey if they went there often.

Sara found it difficult to choose an outfit. What did you wear to lunch meeting with your best friend, when you had an intention of telling them you had feelings for them? On one hand she wanted to impress Leonie slightly, but on the other hand Leonie had seen her with bed hair and pajamas with holes in them, and Leonie probably wouldn’t like her any more or less regardless of what she wore. In the end she settled on a pair of jean shorts and a white shirt Leonie had called cute once.

Sara left early, so she got there first. Leonie being Leonie also arrived before time, so Sara didn’t have to wait long. Sara was so nervous she almost forgot to greet her, and was a little surprised when Leonie went in for their usual hug.

Leonie pulled back with a laugh. “Are you okay?”

Sara tried to pull herself together, and in turn automatically straightened her back, making her even taller than Leonie. “I’m good, just a little tired.”

“Yeah, you did text me kind of early. Couldn’t sleep?”

Sara shrugged. “Yeah, it’s difficult to sleep properly at the moment. It’s like my body can’t figure out if I have to go to work or not, so I just always wake up early.”

Leonie pulled a face in sympathy. “I know that feeling, it’s so annoying.”

Sara nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it is.” She gestured towards the door. “Should we order?”

They ordered at the front counter and told the waiter they would be waiting outside. After ordering, they went out into the café’s cozy courtyard and found a table, a bit secluded from the other tables, so they could talk in private. It was the same place they usually sat, by the wall surrounded by flowers, and in the shadow of a large tree that grew in the middle of the courtyard. It was a hot day, so sitting in the shadow was perfect.

“I’m glad you texted me, actually,” said Leonie, after they’d sat down. “It’s been awhile since we’ve hung out just the two of us. It’s nice.”

Sara smiled, still too nervous to properly appreciate her words. “It is, yeah. Did you get home okay, yesterday?”

“Fine. The bust was on time, so there were no problems. You?”

“Also fine.”

“Good,” Leonie nodded. At this point, based on the way she was looking at Sara, she had figured out something was up. She didn’t prod, but waited for Sara to tell her what was on her mind.

Sara didn’t, just continued with the small talk. Leonie humored her until the waiter arrived with their food. They had both ordered a club sandwich as per usual. It was Sara’s favorite café food, but as she took a bite, she couldn’t really enjoy it as much as she usually did. She fleetingly thought about the price of the sandwich with regret. It was too expensive to not enjoy properly.

_It’s now or never,_ she thought, looking at Leonie who was currently distracted by moving around the food so it was placed on the plate to her liking.

“I… actually texted you because I have something to tell you.”

“Oh?” Leonie looked up from her plate, and Sara immediately regretted getting her attention. She wasn’t sure she would be able to tell her while looking into her eyes, so she looked down at her own plate.

“I’m not really sure how to tell you this… I don’t really want to tell you, but I kind of feel like I need to tell you. It’s become quite apparent after Sam… hanging out with us so much lately…”

“Do you not like Sam?” Leonie interrupted. Her tone made Sara look up at her, finally. Leonie’s face was unreadable, but her eyes were cloudy.

“Yes!” she exclaimed, maybe a little too loudly. She didn’t want Leonie to misunderstand her. “That’s not it at all. I like Sam. She seems really nice.” Sara paused and breathed out before she continued: “It’s just that… I’m jealous.”

Leonie’s shoulders visibly relaxed, and so did her expression. She smiled softly at Sara. “Jealous? Sara, you know, just because I’m dating a girl it doesn’t mean you stop being my best friend.”

“I know. That’s not what I meant.” Sara didn’t say anything more than that, but as Leonie studied her face, she felt like she didn’t need to. Sara could see Leonie realize what she meant, her face changing from being focused, to confused, to surprised, and back to being confused again.

“You have feelings for me.” She didn’t say it like a question, but like a revelation. Sara couldn’t tell if it was a bad, good or neutral revelation.

Sara exhaled deeply and looked away again. “Yeah,” she said meekly.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, none of them saying a word or making a sound. It was agonizing, and Sara barely dared to move.

Leonie was the first to break the silence. “How long have you known?”

“I don’t know,” Sara replied, still not looking up. “Years, I think. But I’ve kind of been suppressing it until recently. It was easier to ignore it when I thought you were…”

“Straight?”

Sara glanced up at Leonie’s face for a millisecond. She couldn’t read her expression. “Yeah.” Sara stared down at the table, regretting her decision to tell Leonie. Why did she think it was a good idea, again?

Suddenly Leonie started laughing. Sara looked up at her, shocked. Leonie’s eyes were shining with mirth, and she was covering her mouth with her hand like she always did when she was fully laughing. She continued laughing, even though it was obvious she was trying not to. “Sorry,” she apologized, and wiped a tear away from under her eye. “It’s really not that funny.”

Sara didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to feel. She felt warm with all over, the embarrassment burning through her, and she was a little shaky, but she had no idea how to take Leonie’s reaction. Why was she laughing? Sara had known Leonie for years, and at this point she usually understood why she reacted a certain way. Moreover, she was generally able to guess how Leonie would react to things, too. But this was new territory. On the other hand, maybe Sara didn’t know Leonie as well as she used to think. Leonie had surprised her a lot lately. However, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. No person was truly completely predictable, after all. Humans were way too complex.

“Why are you laughing?” she asked, not seeing the humor in the situation at all.

Leonie sighed. “Sorry. It really isn’t funny. It’s just… I’ve… had feelings for you for years, too.”

Sara looked at her, wide eyed. Leonie didn’t look like she was joking; she had a very genuine look on her face. “You have?”

“Yeah, I have. I’ve had other crushes, too – on Jonas, Sam – but you were always a constant. It scared me, because you were my best friend, and a girl. So I kind of ignored my feelings, and tried dating other people. But the feelings never went away.”

Hope bloomed in Sara’s chest; not in a million years would she have thought Leonie liked her back. She’d never given any indication that she did, at least not as far as Sara could tell. She was almost giddy with the revelation, but... the entire time Leonie spoke, she spoke in past tense. “What about now?”

Leonie’s smile disappeared from her eyes. “I still like you. I do. But… I’m dating Sam. And I like her too. I really, really like her.”

Sara could tell that Leonie was serious about Sam, more serious than she had been about any of her prior relationships. Sara looked down, heartbroken. “I understand.”

“This is tricky,” Leonie sighed, deeper this time.

“Why?”

“Well, I’m dating Sam, and I want to continue dating Sam. But I also have feelings for you, and you’re my best friend…”

“You mean… you want us to stop being friends?” Even thought she’d been worried this might happen, she’d never in a million years actually thought it _would._ Otherwise, she wouldn’t have told Leonie.

Leonie looked appalled at the idea. “No! No, of course I don’t want us to stop being friends. Sara, you’re the most important person in my life. I would never give up on that. There must be a way for us to make this work. It’s just going to be tricky, is all.”

Suddenly, Sara was reminded of Sam’s words from the other day. Before she could stop herself, she said: “You could always just date us both.”

Leonie laughed surprised. “What? I’m not going to two-time Sam, Sara, I’m not that kind of person. You know that.” She looked a little bit hurt at Sara’s suggestion.

Sara shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it… consensually. You date us both, and we both know about each other. Uhm – polyamory! Isn’t that what it’s called?”

Leonie stared at her. “Polyamory? You want me to be in a relationship with both of you at the same time?”

“Yeah?” Sara wasn’t sure herself, but honestly at that moment she felt like it was the best idea she’d had in years. It was the perfect solution – you know, minus all the societal problems and judgment it would cause. Leonie didn’t have to break up with Sam, and Sara didn’t have to pine from the sidelines. Everyone would be happy. She briefly wondered if Sam had been joking. It was hard to tell; she didn’t know the other girl very well yet.

“I’ve… never really thought about it before. I guess it could work? Uhm… Maybe. But I don’t know if Sam would be okay with it?” She looked very doubtful.

Sara cleared her throat awkwardly. “It was actually her idea.”

Leonie blinked. “What?”

“The other day, when we were out bowling – did we mention to you that we went bowling? – she asked me if I had feelings for you. She said that if I did, you could always just date both of us…”

Leonie still looked a bit shell-shocked. “Uhm. Okay, wow.” She bit her lip. “You know what, I’ll… talk to her about it, okay? And I’ll think about it. This is all a bit much to take in.”

Sara nodded, feeling a bit numb. She completely understood how Leonie thought it was “a bit much to take in”. From telling her best friend she had feelings for her, to spontaneously suggest a polyamorous relationship… It was all a bit much.

“That’s fine. Take your time. It’s also a bit much for me. Sorry, for all of this. I didn’t mean to dump it on you, I just needed to tell you.”

Leonie nodded. “I understand. It’s fine.” They smiled at each other shortly, but Sara had to look away, emotionally over stimulated from looking into Leonie’s eyes. Sara’s eyes landed on her plate, and she realized neither of them had taken more than a few bites of their sandwiches.

“We should probably eat.”

Leonie looked surprised when she saw her full plate, too. “Good idea.”

They both started eating again. It was lucky they hadn’t ordered a hot dish; otherwise it would have gone cold. Sara still found it difficult to enjoy it, especially due to the awkward silence that seemed to never end. None of them spoke for the remainder of their time together, but when they hugged goodbye, Leonie hugged her extra tight, and whispered a promise in her ear: “I’ll talk to her.”

-

Sara and Leonie didn’t contact each other for the next 48 hours. Sara was for the first time grateful for her job for taking her mind off of things. When she wasn’t at work she was either mindlessly watching TV or sleeping. She tried not to think about Leonie, but it was impossible. She had no idea when she would talk to Sam, how it would go, what Leonie was thinking, when she would contact her again, or what she would say. Waiting was torture.

Sara had just arrived home from work Tuesday afternoon. Her parents were still at work, so she was alone. They wouldn’t be home to eat dinner for another two hours, but she was a bit hungry, so she ate a banana. While she was chewing the last bite, sitting in the kitchen staring at the wall with family photos, the door bell rang. Sara wasn’t expecting guests, and it was a bit late for the mailman to be bringing packages. She threw out the banana peel and went to open the door, wondering who it could be.

It was Leonie. She was wearing a cute jean dress over a t-shirt and her hair was down as per usual. She was fidgeting a bit, which was very unlike her. She smiled shyly when Sara opened the door, and Sara smiled back, just as shy.

“Hi. What are you doing here? Do you want to come in?”

Leonie shook her head. “No, I’m just buying groceries for my mom, and thought I would drop by real quick.”

“Okay,” Sara said, not sure what else to say. She leaned against the doorway.

“I talked to Sam,” Leonie shared, feigning casualness.

“What did she say?” Sara tried appearing just as casual, but she sounded a bit breathless, hopeful.

Leonie broke into a big smile that made Sara’s heart skip a beat. “She said she was fine with it! I think her exact words were: ‘It’s summer after high school. Live a little.’”

Sara snorted. “Figures,” she said fondly. Leonie smirked.

“So… we’re dating?” Sara asked a bit more serious, checking for confirmation.

Leonie nodded slowly. “If you want.”

Sara smiled softly. “I do.”

“Good. Me too.”

They stood there, smiling foolishly at each other for God knows how long. Sara couldn’t remember feeling that happy, that giddy, in a long time – maybe every. The thought of her dating Leonie… It just felt so _right_.

“Are you doing anything this Friday?” Leonie asked.

Sara shook her head. “I get off work at four, but after that, no.”

“Do you want to go somewhere? With me? Like, a date.”

Sara wanted to jump around in excitement, but she settled on just nodding (maybe a bit too eagerly). “Yeah.”

“Cool. I’ll come by and pick you up at six then, if that’s okay?”

“That works for me.”

“Good.” Leonie then pointed behind her onto the street. “I do need to go buy groceries for my mom, though. So I have to go.” She looked kind of sad at the prospect of leaving.

“Oh okay,” Sara replied. Then she hesitated before stepping closer to Leonie. “Bye,” she said, before leaning in slowly and pressing a soft kiss onto her cheek. Leonie looked down shyly, but broke into another big smile as Sara stepped back. Sara couldn’t help but return the smile with an even bigger one.

“See you Friday, then,” Leonie said as she walked backwards towards the street.

“See you Friday.” Sara’s belly swooped at the thought. _She had a date with Leonie on Friday!_

-

Friday couldn’t come soon enough. Where Sara had been grateful for the mindless tasks she did at work Monday and Tuesday, for the rest of the week she kept glancing at the clock, willing Friday afternoon to come sooner. Of course, she couldn’t control the time with her mind, so it went just as slowly as it always did.

She didn’t know where Leonie was planning on bringing her, but that was part of the excitement. Sara had already imagined a thousand different scenarios, but she was certain that regardless of where Leonie brought her, it would be a million times better than any fantasy. Spending time with Leonie was always better than anything she could imagine. Just being around her made her feel happy and content.

Thursday afternoon Leonie texted her to “wear something comfy and relatively warm”, which was intriguing, but still didn’t tell Sara where they would be going or what they would be doing. She decided to wear a pair of loose, flaxen trousers, with a white shirt and a brown cardigan she could take on and off, depending on how hot it was.

True to her word, Leonie came to pick her up at 6 o’clock Friday afternoon. She herself was wearing a pair of jeans and a dark blue, long-sleeved shirt. It was a bit hot for the current weather, as the sun was still up, but she didn’t look uncomfortable. She was holding a basket in one hand, and offered Sara her other arm. Sara giggled as she put her hand on Leonie’s forearm.

“Are you ready to go?” Leonie asked.

“Yes.”

Leonie let her to a nearby park. It was beautiful this time of year with all the blooming flowers. They found their way to a fairly secluded corner of the park. The spot had a nice overview over the big lake in the middle of the park. The water was still and shimmered in the sun. Leonie had a blanket she spread out on the grass for them to sit on.

“I thought we could keep it simple for our first date. Just focus on the two of us.” She looked uncertain as she spoke.

“This is perfect,” Sara assured, and she meant it. Sure, it was fun doing “wilder” things with Leonie, but this was nice too. Besides, they had the rest of their lives to do all kinds of other stuff. _Okay, now you’re getting ahead of yourself_ , Sara thought to herself.

Leonie had prepared sandwiches, fruit and snacks, a lot of which she knew Sara loved. There were chocolate biscuits, grapes, strawberries, even Sara’s favorite peach juice. She had really gone all out. Sara told her as much, and Leonie beamed at her proudly.

At first they just ate and talked, enjoying each other’s company and their beautiful surroundings. They had known each other for so long, that being around each other – at least when they weren’t having awkward, but necessary conversations – was easy and comfortable. Sara was an introvert, so there weren’t many people she could be around for long without getting exhausted. Leonie was one of those few people.

Throughout the evening, Sara felt Leonie’s eyes on her more often than not. Sara also let herself look at Leonie. Usually she would try to hold back because she was worried Leonie would notice and get uncomfortable. But now that Sara knew Leonie wouldn’t be uncomfortable about Sara having feelings for her, she wanted her to notice. Often their eyes would meet, and they would exchange shy smiles before looking away again. Sara couldn’t remember ever feeling that way on a date before. Meeting someone’s gaze had never made her heartbeat quicken or her palms sweaty, not the way it did with Leonie.

After a couple of hours, they had finished the food and Sara had put on her cardigan, as it was finally getting a bit chilly. They were now both drinking the juice Leonie had brought with her. Sara thought idly that maybe she should hold back, so they wouldn’t have to cut the date short because she had to pee.

“I’ve thought about what our first date would be like a million times,” Sara admitted. With anyone else she would have been uncomfortable saying something like that, but she knew Leonie wouldn’t judge her. She was still a little nervous about sharing her feelings so openly.

“Me too.” Leonie smiled at her tenderly. “Was it as good as you imagined?”

“Better,” Sara stated truthfully. She was looking around at the scenery as she spoke, too bashful to look at Leonie directly. “Much better.”

“Yeah? You know what would make it even better?” Leonie’s cheeky tone made Sara look at her. When their eyes met, Leonie winked. Sara thought that must be a habit she had adopted after spending so much time with Sam. “If you kissed me.” Sara couldn’t argue with that, so she did.

The first thing she thought as their lips met was: _gay. I’m definitely gay._ Kissing had always been nice enough, albeit a bit boring, but kissing Leonie was on a whole new level. Sara found herself thinking she wouldn’t mind doing it for hours, for no other reason than to feel Leonie’s lips against her own.

Sara placed her hand on Leonie’s cheek, caressing her soft skin. Leonie’s hand found its way to the back of Sara’s head, buried itself in her hair as she deepened the kiss.

Sara suddenly remembered there were other people around and bulled back. Sara cleared her throat. “Maybe we should continue this later somewhere else, when we’re alone?”

Leonie nodded. “Good idea.”

As if on cue they both lay down beside each other. The blanket wasn’t big enough, so Sara’s feet stuck out and onto the grass. She’d taken off her shoes before, so the grass tickled her soles. She started pushing her feet around, playing with the strands.

“I can’t believe I have two girlfriends,” Leonie commented suddenly. “I mean, I could barely believe I had one, and now I have _two_?”

Sara just giggled. She couldn’t quite believe it either.

Leonie turned her head to look at her, so Sara did the same. Leonie’s gaze was serious and intense. “Does it bother you? That I’m dating someone else?” Her tone was soft and intimate, as if the immediate space around them was their own little world, and she didn’t want other people to intrude.

Sara thought about it before she answered. “No. It honestly doesn’t.”

Leonie’s gaze turned softer. “Okay. That’s good.”

They spent the rest of the date lying on the blanket, holding hands and staring at the sky as it became darker and started twinkling with stars.

-

Several weeks passed like that; with Leonie happily dating both Sara and Sam. When Sara wasn’t at work, she was with either Leonie, Sam or both of them. At first she thought it would be awkward to hang out with her girlfriend’s girlfriend, regardless of whether Leonie was there or not, but oddly, it wasn’t. Spending time with Sam was always fun, and for some reason, seeing Leonie and Sam together was different now. Before, she’d just felt jealous, like a third wheel who wasn’t welcome. Now, even though she wasn’t necessarily included in the moments, she felt content she could have that, too. She could take Leonie’s hand in hers, or kiss her cheek, or comb her hair back behind her ear. And seeing Sam doing it to Leonie, and Leonie’s soft, answering smile, made Sara’s heart flutter, and made her feel warm all over.

She still got jealous when she thought about Sam and Leonie together alone without her, but it didn’t bother her as much as it did before. Now it felt more like when she didn’t go to a party all of her friends were attending; she wasn’t sad that her friends were having fun together, but she was worried about missing out on anything.

However, as happy as she was dating Leonie, the more time she spent with Sam, the more she grew to like her – and not platonically. Sara was confused. Because even though she’d liked Leonie for what was most likely several years and they were finally dating, she couldn’t stop thinking about Sam. Her feelings for Leonie hadn’t disappeared – quite on the contrary – but lately she’d noticed that the feelings she had for Leonie were strikingly similar to the feelings she were beginning to feel around Sam.

When Sara got home, she started reading up on polyamory. Apparently, the type of relationship she was currently in – with Leonie dating both Sara and Sam, but them not dating each other – was called a “V” relationship. If all three of them started dating – and Sara was beginning to realize that was exactly what she wanted – it would be called “a triad”.

Sam was to Sara what the internet called “a metamour” – someone who’s dating your partner, but not you – but Sara wanted Sam to be her main partner as well as Leonie. She just wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. So far they hadn’t told anyone about their relationship – no one knew she was dating Leonie aside from the three of them, and only a handful of people knew about Leonie and Sam – but Sara figured that it couldn’t get much stranger than it already was. And who cared about what people thought, anyway. If she had to tell people she was dating a girl, she might as well tell them she was dating two.

Either way, she wasn’t ready to tell her parents. Her home life was enough of a mess as it was. Maybe she would tell them once she’d gotten her own apartment. It wasn’t because she thought her parents would react that badly, but every time she thought about bringing it up, she couldn’t get herself to say it. She couldn’t really explain why, because she didn’t even understand the reason herself.

But her parents, or other people, weren’t the main reason Sara didn’t know whether she should tell Leonie and Sam. It was Sam. Was Sam even interested in Sara? Aside from one random comment, she hadn’t show any indication that she would want to be with Sara, at least not as far as Sara could tell. She was friendly and flirty, but Sara was pretty sure she acted like that around everyone. Besides, even if Sam was interested, maybe neither Sam nor Leonie wished to change their relationship dynamic the way Sara did. Maybe they were happy with the way things were.

One Saturday afternoon, on their regular movie night – which had now more or less become a Leonie, Sam & Sara date night – they were all gathered in Leonie’s room. It was around midnight, and they’d turned off the TV in the living room about an hour ago. They had put on pajamas, brushed their teeth, and were now lying in Leonie’s bed. Leonie was in the middle, with the other two girls cuddled up to her sides. They had turned the lamp in the ceiling off, but there was a soft, pink light coming from some string light hanging on the walls.

“Do you guys like boys too, or do you just like girls?” Sam asked curiously, after they had been quiet for a few minutes, just tracing each other’s skins with their fingers.

“Hmm, I like guys, yeah,” Leonie said. “I used to have the biggest crush on Jonas, and I’ve had crushes on a few other guys when I was younger.”

“I think I only like guys sexually,” Sam pondered. “Like, they’re hot, but I don’t want to date them, you know?”

“I don’t think I like guys at all,” Sara said suddenly. They other girls fell quiet.

“Really?” Sam asked surprised. “What about Matteo? I thought you liked him?”

Sara sighed. “No, not really. I was mainly just going out with him, and all the other guys, to try to get over Leonie,” Sara admitted. “And to convince myself I was straight. I think I’ve only ever had feelings for Leonie and-” Sara cut herself off, biting her lip.

“And?” Sam prompted, interest piqued.

Sara hadn’t meant to say the “and”, but now that she had… Sara took a deep breath and sat up, looking down at Leonie and Sam. They looked soft and cuddly, and she couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight.

“And Sam,” she said, feeling brave, untouchable. Maybe it was because it was so late; the world always felt different in the middle of the night, less… real.

“Yeah?” Sam said, thinking it had been a question.

Sara shook her head. “No, I mean, I… also have feelings for Sam.”

Both Leonie and Sam sat up at her words. “What?” Sam asked. She and Leonie exchanged a puzzled look.

Leonie looked at Sara with furrowed brows, her expression uncertain. “Are you sure? You don’t think that you might just be imagining it because she’s dating me and you’re… jealous?”

Sara shook her head. “I’m positive,” Sara said confidently. And she was. Her feelings for Sam had nothing to do with her relationship with Leonie. It had all to do with Sam; she was confident, funny, hot, kind, brave, beautiful. Sara loved her smile, how she wasn’t afraid to dye her hair crazy colors, and she loved seeing her dance. Sam had a habit of avoiding conflict and not taking anything seriously, and although that was sometimes a problem, Sara also admired her for her ability to relax and live her life without worrying about everything.

Sara looked at Sam to see her reaction. When Sam’s eyes met Sara’s, her face lit up. “Well, honestly, my feelings for Sara aren’t completely platonic either. So I’m fine with it if you guys are,” she said.

“Fine with what?” Leonie asked confused.

“All of us dating.”

Leonie looked shell-shocked, but as she looked from Sam’s happy expression to Sara’s uncertain gaze, Leonie slowly broke into a grin as well. “That sounds… honestly, that sounds great. I’m good with that, too. What do you say, Sara?”

Sara… didn’t really know what to say, but she nodded, beaming. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined something like this actually happening just a few months ago, but it felt right. As they all gathered in for a hug, she felt warmth spread throughout her body. They were all giggling into each other’s hair and shoulders, hanging on to each other like their lives depended on it. Sam kissed Sara’s hair, Leonie kissed Sam’s cheek, Sara kissed Sam on the lips, and suddenly they were all kissing each other random places and laughing all the while. It was a mess, but Sara couldn’t be happier.

-

Next morning, she woke up before Leonie and Sam. She lay quietly beside them for a bit, enjoying their presence and warmth. They both looked peaceful as they slept, limbs tangled with Sara’s and with each other’s. But then she remembered they hadn’t cleaned up after themselves yesterday, and she thought that they might appreciate it if she’d already done it when they woke up. She wriggled lose of Sam’s arm that was thrown around her middle and toed downstairs, after making a detour to the bathroom.

Leonie’s parents weren’t home this weekend – they were on some romantic weekend to the Netherlands – so the three of them had made more of a mess than usual. Sara threw out an empty bag of chips, put their used plates and cutlery in the dish washer, and washed off the table. As she was washing her hands, she felt hands on her hips.

“This okay?” Sam asked against her ear, body pressed against her back.

Sara’s stomach jumped pleasantly. “Very okay,” she said and turned around in Sam’s grasp to put her arms around her neck. Sam looked amazing in the morning. She had bed hair and wasn’t wearing make-up; she looked adorable, and more innocent than usual.

“Hey,” Sam said, her voice barely a whisper. She didn’t need to speak any louder with how close their faces were. Sara could hear her perfectly.

“Hey,” Sara whispered back, before she kissed her.

Sara had kissed Sam yesterday, but only chastely. Kissing her now, full on, standing up, was different. Sam was a bit taller than Leonie, so Sara didn’t have to lean down quite as much. They kissed lazily, slowly, just figuring out their rhythm. Sam’s breath was minty – she probably brushed her teeth before coming downstairs, same as Sara. She used more tongue than Leonie, and Sara wouldn’t have thought she would like that, but she did.

Sam pulled back with a smirk. “That was a nice way of saying good morning.”

Sara returned the smirk with a smile of her own. “It was.”

Sam’s expression turned a bit more serious, but her arms remained around Sara’s middle. “About what you said yesterday… Did you mean it? You’re not just dating me because of Leonie?”

Sara looked back just as seriously. She wanted Sam to know she was honest about her feelings for her. “I did mean it. I do. I really, really like you, Sam M’Pele, and I’m not just dating you to make my relationship with Leonie work better.”

Sam beamed at her. “Good,” she said, and kissed Sara again. “Because I like you, too.”

They started making out again, and Sam’s hands quickly started wandering. They were just about to glide down to cup her ass, when-

“Am I interrupting something?” Leonie asked, teasingly interrupting their moment. Sara looked over to find her standing in the entrance of the room, already fully clothed. She looked just as adorable as Sam, although she (unfortunately) already brushed her hair.

“Why are you already dressed?” Sam asked, tone as disgruntled as Sara felt. “I thought we were going to chill in our pajamas all day.”

Leonie furrowed her brows disapprovingly. “Absolutely not. We can stay in and relax, whilst also looking presentable,” she said, faux snootily.

Sam snorted and went over to kiss her good morning, followed by Sara. “Morning, babe,” Sam said against her temple. Sara was leaning against Leonie’s other side, with her nose buried against her neck, breathing in her scent. She’d already put on perfume; just a pleasant whiff, as per usual.

Leonie hummed approvingly. “At least you two brushed your teeth. Good morning. Should we eat some breakfast?”

They both agreed, and all three of them worked together to prepare a delicious breakfast. They stayed cooped up in Leonie’s apartment all day, taking full advantage of her parents being away.

-

As the summer holiday came to a close, they had all been dating for several weeks. Sara was enjoying the summer immensely, and was sad to see it go, but she wasn’t worried about the future anymore. Both Sara and Sam were planning on taking a leap year to work. Sara would probably continue working in Lidl, and Sam was job-hunting. Leonie had been accepted into a school in Berlin where she could become an event manager as she wanted. They would all continue to live with their parents in Berlin, and Sara didn’t see them breaking up any time soon.

Sara’s home life still wasn’t perfect, and she would probably move out sooner rather than later, but right now it was manageable. She did love her parents, but if she wanted to continue having a good relationship with them, maybe it was for the best if she took some distance from them soon.

To celebrate the end of the summer, and for everyone to properly say goodbye to each other, the WG threw a party at their apartment. Now that Sara had finished school, she wasn’t sure she would have gone if it hadn’t been for Sam and Leonie. Sam wanted to be there with her friends, and Leonie wanted to be with Sam, so of course Sara went too. Sam figured it was the perfect opportunity for her to introduce Leonie and Sara as her girlfriends to the girls.

Although both Sam and Leonie had told their parents and siblings they were dating each other, no one knew all three of them were dating. Sam hadn’t told any of the girls about either Leonie or Sara yet, so they would be the first to find out. Sara, Sam and Leonie had already talked about it, and they’d all agreed it was fine. They didn’t want their relationship to be a secret forever, and Sam really wanted to tell her friends. She was tired of hearing about their dating lives and not being able to share anything about her own.

The party had already started when they arrived. There were lots of people, and the music was loud. Sara didn’t really recognize most of the people there, but it might have been due to how dark it was in the apartment. She did spot Hans and Linn somewhere in the crowd, but didn’t get to say hi before they were gone. Maybe it was for the best; she didn’t know them all that well, anyway.

Sara felt lucky that she had decided to wear a rain coat on the way there, because it had started pouring down. She took it off and hung it on the almost full coat rack. Her hair was fairly dry, thanks to the hood on her coat, so the only part of her that was still wet was her darkened denim jeans. They felt clammy against her legs. She hoped they would dry soon, but she doubted it.

Sam and Leonie headed straight for the kitchen, so Sara followed. The boys – Abdi, Carlos, David, Jonas and Matteo – were all in there, nursing their beers and talking boisterously. They all greeted each other as Sam, Leonie and Sara came in. Sara got a hug from each of them, even though she wasn’t all that close to Abdi or Carlos. Maybe they were so friendly because of the alcohol.

Sara hugged David and Matteo last. David gave impressively good hugs, not too loose or too tight. Hugging Matteo was a little awkward, but still nice. She wondered if there’d ever come a time where she didn’t feel awkward around Matteo. She hoped so.

Surprisingly – or maybe not so surprisingly – it was David who said to her: “You should come over again sometime.”

Sara looked at Matteo to see what he thought about David’s proposition. He nodded, with a small smile ghosting his lips. Sara grinned at David. “I’d like that.”

Sara chatted shortly with the two of them, but quickly realized she wasn’t really in the mood for talking, especially with how loud the music was playing; she had to yell a little to be heard. She subtly left the conversation. They didn’t seem to mind, but started talking to Abdi instead, who, until then, had been trying not to moon over Sam. Emphasis on trying, because it was obvious he still wasn’t over her. Sara felt a little bad, but it wasn’t her fault Sam didn’t like him back.

Sam had been talking to Leonie all the while, and didn’t seem to have noticed Abdi staring. Now she struck up a conversation with Carlos and Jonas, leaving Leonie and Sara to find the beer. Sara followed Leonie to the refrigerator.

“Do you want a beer?” Leonie asked Sara, after having taken one herself. Sara had decided she didn’t want to drink too much. When she drank, she often drank too much, and she didn’t think it was a good idea to do today. Besides, she wanted to be relatively sober so that she could enjoy the night. But one beer couldn’t hurt, she thought, and took one with a smile.

Leonie handed Sam a beer, who took it absentmindedly, as she passionately discussed something or other with Carlos. Leonie watched her fondly, before smirking in Sara’s direction. Sara smiled into her beer.

It wasn’t long before the other girls arrived and joined them in the kitchen. Even Mia was there; she’d just come home from the internship and was now living with Alex. It was starting to be a bit crowded in the kitchen, so the boys decided to leave, excusing themselves with the need to find somewhere quiet to share a joint. Somehow, that left just the girl squad, Sara and Leonie in there now.

The girls all greeted each other. Again, everyone gave Sara a hug. She was getting a lot of hugs today; maybe it was a good thing she hadn’t decided not to drink at all. She wasn’t the biggest fan of hugging strangers. Sara saw Leonie and Hanna smiling at each other and giving each other a hug. They’d never become as close as they used to be, but they were friendly towards each other. Sometimes, Sara thought Leonie missed Hanna, but she never said anything about it.

After everyone had greeted everyone, Leonie came over to stand beside Sara. They meant to let the other five girls catch up, before telling them about their relationship, but Hanna had other ideas.

“So they’re the reason you couldn’t join our pre-party tonight, huh?” Hanna teased, addressed to Sam.

“Yeah, you guys have been getting awfully close lately,” Kiki commented.

All of the girls were looking at Sam now, expectantly. Sara couldn’t tell if they knew something was going on, or if they were waiting for Sam to make a joke about it.

Sam bit her lip. “Actually, girls, there’s something I want to tell you…”

“Oh?” Mia asked.

“We’re dating,” Sam said. She seemed confident as she said it, but Sara could sense some nerves underneath. Sara was a bit nervous as well, but it wasn’t her friends, so it wasn’t as nerve-wrecking for her as it probably was for Sam. Sara took another swig of her beer anyway, but it didn’t help. Then Leonie grabbed her free hand with one of her own. Sara instantly felt a bit calmer.

“Who?” Hanna asked confused, looking around the room as if expecting to find the answer written on the walls.

“Me, Sara and Leonie.”

Amira, Hanna, Kiki and Mia all looked from Sam to Sara and Leonie. They all seemed kind of confused. “What do you mean?” Amira asked. “Dating, as in all three of you are in a relationship?”

Sam shrugged. “Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.”

“Wow,” Kiki said shocked. The others looked like they shared her sentiment. Sara felt her heart drop into her stomach. She wanted to wipe her sweaty palms against her jeans discreetly, but both of her hands were occupied. She felt bad for Leonie, but noticed that Leonie’s hand was damper than usual, as well.

“I didn’t see that one coming,” Hanna joked.

Mia seemed to be the first one to gather her wits. “Well, that’s nice,” she said and smiled at Sara and Leonie sincerely. “I guess we’ll be seeing more to you two, then.”

Amira was the next to say something. “Yeah, that’s nice.” She walked over to Sam and gave her a tight hug. When she pulled back, she said: “Habibi, if you’re happy, I’m happy for you.” And that was that. Everyone agreed, and all of a sudden Sara was getting hugs from left and right again. Hanna took a beer for Kiki and herself, and soon everyone was talking and laughing. Sam came over to Sara and Leonie and gave them both a kiss on the cheek. Kiki still seemed confused and a bit shocked, but otherwise everyone else seemed fine with it. Leonie and Sam both joined in on the conversation, but Sara still wasn’t really in the mood to talk. Instead she listened, drank her beer, and played with Leonie’s fingers.

Eventually, Sam dragged both Sara and Leonie with her to the dance floor. They all danced together in the middle of the room, music pounding through Sara’s veins along with adrenaline. She was gradually getting sweatier, her hair sticking to her face. All three of them were jumping up and down and spinning each other around.

Sara didn’t think she’d ever had this much fun at a party before in her life. She had two amazing girlfriends, and she’d just come out to some of their friends, who’d taken it fairly well. She hadn’t come out to her parents yet, but she didn’t think they would make a big deal out of it. She felt better about herself than she had in years, and she couldn’t wait to see what the future had in store for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was it! I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think <3

**Author's Note:**

> The next and final chapter will be up in a couple of days. I just need to add a few details and edit it. Anyway, I hope you liked this. Please let me know what you think. By the way, this has not been beta read, so if there are any glaring mistakes, feel free to let me know.


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